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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051278">Baby Steps</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Domestic Dreams [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Happiness only, I'm back baby, Kidfic, LEVI DESERVES A GOOD LIFE, M/M, Male Lactation, Mother Hen Levi, No angst allowed, Post-Mpreg, Sequel, and erwin gives it to him, bc levi is breastfeeding amaya, domesticity is my shit, erwin is a great dad, levi is an excellent parent, oh right, or should that be babyfic?, parenting, you might wanna read the first fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:07:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051278</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The people have spoken - ask and ye shall receive; a sequel for my Eruri fic 'Home'</p><p>Levi and Erwin learn that parenting is much more taxing than they thought it would be - but it's always worth it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Domestic Dreams [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week of Amaya’s life, Levi does nothing but cradle and coo at and feed and change her. Why would he do anything else? This is the most magical person ever, and he could spend years just admiring her.<br/>
Erwin is similar, his only extra task cooking for them; often they would get so wrapped up in their new cosy life, that they’d forget to eat, and Erwin would only make quick meals so that he could return to his family as soon as possible.<br/>
Amaya, because she is a baby, didn’t do very much. She burbled occasionally, little sounds leaving her tiny mouth, and each syllable had Levi melting.<br/>
“Isn’t she precious?” Erwin would mumble, and Levi would always nod, before stroking Amaya’s cheek with his fingers.<br/>
She was Levi’s new favourite person. From her lovely chubby cheeks to her small hands, Amaya was perfection incarnate. Levi smiled at her as she opened up her eyes, stirring from another long nap.<br/>
“Does mommy want some tea?” Erwin asked, pressing his lips to Levi’s cheek.<br/>
During Amaya’s waking hours, they would refer to each other by their new Parent Names, both to normalise responding to their respective title, and to already start helping with Amaya’s development.<br/>
“Yes please.” Levi turns, kissing Erwin’s nose. He is so fucking in love with this man.<br/>
If he thought Erwin was caring before, that was nothing compared to how he was being now.<br/>
The commander was so gentle with his voice, so loving with his touches, so careful with Amaya, so affectionate, and warm, and just generally wonderful.<br/>
After so many years of shit, the universe was finally making it up to him.<br/>
Amaya makes a little noise as her father leaves the room. It’s not out of distress or anything similar, it’s just one her sounds.<br/>
“Hey Amaya. Did you have a good nap? Daddy will be back soon, he’s just getting mommy some tea.” Levi shifted his position carefully, making sure he didn’t jostle Amaya too much. “You need feeding or anything? Mommy’s got loads of milk for you, just in case. All you need to do is ask.”<br/>
Amaya just blinks at him, and it’s enough to make him smile.<br/>
“You’ve already got me and daddy wrapped around your finger. You know that? I would do anything for you. Anything.” Levi holds her up to his eye level, making sure to support her head and neck just like he’s supposed to. “You’re so tiny. So, so small. You’re a baby. My baby. And I love you so, so much.”<br/>
A year ago, ‘I love you’ would never be able to fall from his mouth so easily. A year ago, he would never have been able to envision a life like this, let alone want it.<br/>
But now that he has this, everything he didn’t know he needed, Levi knows he would fight tooth and nail to make sure he never loses it. He’d never wish for a second to make things go back to how they once were.<br/>
“Tea for the best fiancé in the world.” Erwin’s re-entrance doesn’t disturb the peace, only improves upon it.<br/>
“Shut up, you sap.” There is no venom behind Levi’s words.<br/>
“You love it when I’m mushy.”<br/>
“Fuc - Go away.”<br/>
Not instinctively swearing was perhaps the hardest thing. Name one way ‘go away’ held the same teasing power as ‘fuck off’. He’d restrain himself, for Amaya’s sake, but it was still a bit of a pain to catch himself before slipping up.<br/>
Erwin laughed at him every time. Over only a week, Levi must have found himself making a mistake hundreds of times.<br/>
“Do you want me to hold her while you drink?”<br/>
Erwin’s thinly veiled code for, ‘it’s my turn to hold the baby, stop hogging her.’<br/>
“If you insist.”<br/>
Levi knew Erwin worried about dropping her, or that he couldn’t support Amaya properly with just his one arm.<br/>
So he helped. He places Amaya into the crook of Erwin’s arm, and spends a few minutes pretending to adjust the arm’s position, because despite Erwin’s concerns, he was perfect at holding their baby.<br/>
Erwin probably knew that Levi faked the adjustments, and yet he still gave a little sigh of relief every time.<br/>
Whatever eases his concerns.<br/>
“Hey Amaya. I’m back. Mommy’s got his tea, and now daddy has you.” Erwin coos, and Levi leans up against him, sipping from his teacup.<br/>
They stay like that for a long time, before Amaya starts crying, face creasing and her fists flailing in the air.<br/>
Levi’s already starting to be able to tell her wails apart.<br/>
“Are you hungry sweetie? C’mere.” Levi lifts Amaya out of Erwin’s arm, and unbuttons his shirt, the baby quick to latch on to him the moment the opportunity arises.<br/>
“I wonder what it tastes like.”<br/>
Levi snorts, and Erwin’s cheeks colour a little.<br/>
“That wasn’t me asking! That’s for Amaya, I wouldn’t want to-”<br/>
“I’ll let you try it out after Amaya’s finished.”<br/>
Oh, it’s the best when Erwin gets flustered. Nothing better than seeing one of the greatest commanders in known history stumbling over his words.<br/>
Well, almost nothing better. As usual, Amaya’s existence tends to trump anything else.<br/>
“I’m joking. But if you do wanna try, just ask. I have a nearly unlimited supply.”<br/>
Erwin rolls his eyes, but smiles. “I love you. You have any idea how good it is to see you this happy?”<br/>
Levi nods. “I’d imagine it’s almost as good as being this happy. And I love you too.”<br/>
Erwin squeezes his shoulder and kisses his cheek, before turning his adoring eyes back to Amaya.</p><p>It takes a while to get into a proper routine, especially considering Levi’s entire life revolves around Amaya’s waking hours, but at the end of the first month, things are relatively smooth. Amaya is crying less, and growing just as she should be, which helps with Levi’s secret worries that he was a terrible parent that kept him up at night. She’s still asleep more than she’s awake, but that’s normal, supposedly. It’s getting easier to distinguish all her different cries, he and Erwin comparing ideas to make sure they were on the right track, and it’s becoming more natural to constantly be narrating their tasks because that’s supposed to be really good for a baby’s speech development. When Levi’s too tired, Erwin does ‘the night shift’, and vice versa. When Erwin looks like he’s getting overwhelmed, Levi is there to reassure him, knowing he receives the same treatment when it’s the other way around.<br/>
It’s fucking difficult at times. There was one night when Amaya was three and a half weeks old that she just Wouldn’t. Stop. Screaming.<br/>
It was exhausting, and frustrating, and it made Levi question his sanity a little bit, as though having a child was the worst fucking decision of his life, because how the actual fuck is he supposed to function if there’s an asshole baby wailing in his ear. The moment she calmed down, and he watched her fall asleep, he was wracked with guilt.<br/>
How could he have thought those awful things about her? Of course this wasn’t a bad decision, having a baby has made him so happy, and Amaya is far from an asshole, it’s not like she’s crying on purpose, she’s just literally incapable of communicating any other way.<br/>
Levi hadn’t spoken to Erwin about the shitty things he thinks sometimes. It’s made him withdraw slightly, he knows that, but he just can’t voice his uncalled for anger that he gets for their little girl. Erwin will call him a shitty parent, and he’d be right, and then they’d call off the engagement, and then what if Amaya gets taken away from him because he’s a terrible mother? That’s his worst fucking nightmare.<br/>
“Levi. Babe. I know something’s up. You look miserable.” Erwin kisses Levi’s cheek.<br/>
Amaya’s laying in her bassinet, fast asleep, and that always means Erwin starts getting very cuddly. Usually, Levi revels in that. Today, he’s too busy bogged down by his own head.<br/>
“Nothing’s up. I’m fine.” It comes out dangerously close to a snap, which just makes everything worse. Why is he being so aggressive? It doesn’t make sense.<br/>
“Levi. Honey. Talk to me.”<br/>
Levi buries his face in Erwin’s shoulder, muffling his voice. “I’m a bad mom.”<br/>
“I think you’re doing incredibly. Amaya is so lucky to have you.”<br/>
“Mm.” Levi swallows, feeling a lump in his throat.<br/>
“Yknow... It’s okay to be frustrated Levi. I’ve been feeling a little worked up whenever Amaya gets a bit too much. You think that makes me a bad dad?”<br/>
“No.” Levi lifts his head slightly. “I think you’re a really good dad.”<br/>
“Exactly.”<br/>
“But - I’ve been thinking some really bad things.”<br/>
Erwin tilts his head to show he’s still listening.<br/>
“I sometimes think that maybe we should never have had her. And that I want things to back to how they were. And then I feel like the shittiest person alive.”<br/>
“Babe-”<br/>
“Please don’t take her away from me. I don’t mean it, I don’t mean anything I think, I love her so much and I can’t live without her, please don’t take her away from me, I can stop thinking those things, I can, just -”<br/>
“Levi. Why would I take her away? You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve just said yourself, you love her so much, and you don’t mean anything that pops into your head when you’re feeling overstressed. I’m sure it’s normal to have little thoughts like that flick into your head when you’re struggling. You just need to remember that you’re only thinking like that because you’re being overwhelmed. It’s not representative of who you are.”<br/>
Levi starts crying quietly, before laughing at his distress. “I think I still have some hormones left over.”<br/>
“That’s okay. I’m here to help you through it. Don’t forget, just because we have Amaya now doesn’t mean we have to stop supporting each other.”<br/>
“Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” Levi shifts onto Erwin’s lap, winding his arms around him. “Is there anything you need?”<br/>
“Yes, I’m in dire need of a kiss from the most handsome man in the land.”<br/>
“I’ll go find you a mirror then.”<br/>
Erwin smiles, before pressing their lips together softly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh Amaya. It’s okay. Daddy’s here, shh, shh.”<br/>
Erwin’s voice stirs Levi from his slumber. Amaya is sniffling quietly, and he can see Erwin silhouetted, holding her.<br/>
It must be 3am or something. Poor Erwin.<br/>
Levi’s about to ask to take over, when his fiancé starts singing.<br/>
His voice is a little rough, and maybe slightly out of tune, but it turns Levi’s insides to mush. He’s never heard Erwin sing. Mr Battle-hardened Commander, standing right here, singing softly while cradling their daughter.<br/>
It’s almost definitely a blessing that Levi’s watching this, although there’s that slight feeling that he’s intruding on a very personal, special moment.<br/>
Amaya’s settling down, little sobs becoming less and less frequent, because she’s bound to be as entranced by Erwin’s song as Levi is.<br/>
He finishes off with a low hum, rocking Amaya once or twice, before laying her back down in her bassinet. Must be back to sleep.<br/>
Levi doesn’t know whether or not he should say anything.<br/>
Erwin slips back into bed, winding his arm around Levi’s waist, and tips his head to whisper in his ear.<br/>
“I know you’re awake.”<br/>
Levi turns around to face him. “I think your singing was sweet.”<br/>
“It’s terrible, and we both know it.”<br/>
“Yeah, but I still think it’s cute.” Levi kisses Erwin’s nose.<br/>
The blond laughs. “Whatever you say honey.”<br/>
“Let me fucking compliment you, you sack of shit.”<br/>
“Ah, my apologies. Please forgive this sack of shit.”<br/>
“You’re lucky you’re handsome, because you can be really fucking annoying sometimes.”<br/>
Erwin laughs again. “I love you.”<br/>
“I love you too.” Levi splays his fingers across Erwin’s cheek. “And so does Amaya. You’re an excellent father.”<br/>
“I hope so.”<br/>
Levi snuggles into him, and falls asleep once more.</p><p>“How’s motherhood treating you?”<br/>
Hanji’s over, both to give Amaya a health check and to catch up with Levi. Erwin’s out with Nile, and it’s kind of a nice change of pace.<br/>
“It’s fine.” Levi watched Amaya grab at her toes, face softening. He’s trying to keep up with his typical Levi attitude, but whenever he’s around his baby it all melts away.<br/>
“Just fine?”<br/>
“Maybe a little bit more than fine. Don’t tell anyone, but I think I might be going soft.”<br/>
“You’ve been going soft since you got pregnant.” Hanji snorts, before waving at Amaya. “If anyone tells you that your mother used to be very rough around the edges, you’ll probably be surprised, won’t you?”<br/>
Hanji speaks to Amaya as though she is an adult capable of responding with more than “ga!” or “buh” or a mixture of both.<br/>
“She smiled yet?”<br/>
“Only when she’s gassy. Not properly.” Levi tries to maintain a neutral tone, not divulge anything extra, but holy shit he wants to rave about how clever and cute and sweet and lovely his child is.<br/>
Clearly, his restraint is showing on his expression.<br/>
“You know that you’re allowed to get rid of your mean persona right? You can completely rework your reputation. People would be less scared of you, and therefore more open to learning from you when you come back.”<br/>
Levi doesn’t reply. Mainly because of that last part. ‘When you come back.’<br/>
Right. He only really has a year. And sure, that seems like a long time, but two months have already gone, and it feels like just yesterday he held her for the first time.<br/>
She’s already getting so big...<br/>
Still absolutely tiny, yeah, but she’s nowhere near as small as she used to be.<br/>
“Levi?”<br/>
“No. You’re right. I’ll just, uh, act how I want, I guess.”<br/>
Hanji pokes him, and they have a knowing look in their eyes. “You will be coming back?”<br/>
“Mhm.”<br/>
“Because I’m sure you don’t have to. People are saying the war will be declared officially over soon. Only need a signature from the Marleyans on the peace treaty.”<br/>
“And if they don’t sign it? If they break the treaty?”<br/>
Hanji pauses. “What does Erwin think?”<br/>
“About the war? He’s not involved because of the whole parental leave thing, but he’s keeping up by speaking to Pixus and Nile and shit - uh, wait! Mommy meant stuff, sorry Amaya - but he thinks there’s hope.”<br/>
“Did you just censor yourself?”<br/>
Levi flushes. “Maybe. I don’t want her to be surrounded by that kind of language. It’s not very... great to grow up in that kinda environment.”<br/>
“Just because your baby books said that doesn’t mean-”<br/>
“No. They didn’t say that. I’m just speaking from experience.” Levi plays with Amaya’s fingers as he waits for Hanji to respond.<br/>
“You always said you didn’t care about that.”<br/>
“Well, I was lying.” Levi kisses Amaya’s balled fist. “I’m not messing her up. She deserves the world, and she deserves to be raised in a way I wished I was.”<br/>
“Are you sure you haven’t been replaced with some sort of clone? The Levi I know would never be saying this kind of stuff. At least, not openly.”<br/>
“The Levi you know wasn't a mother.”<br/>
Amaya reaches up then, opening and closing her hands, as if trying to grab something. Levi leans down.<br/>
“Hmm? You want something? You not getting enough attention? Sounds about right.” Levi lifts her up. “You love getting attention, don’t you?”<br/>
Amaya squeals, babbling.<br/>
“You wanna talk to Hanji?” Levi flips her around so that she can view Hanji.<br/>
“I cannot believe you’ve had a big mushy side that you’ve been hiding from me.”<br/>
“Excuse me, my child is trying to talk to you, say hello before I fight you.”<br/>
Hanji hesitates, and Levi makes sure to mock his most menacing glare.<br/>
“Hello Amaya. Remember me? I’ve been round a few times. I’m so sorry that you’ve been stuck with the most annoying people in the world as parents. You have my humblest condolences.”<br/>
“Psh, Amaya loves her daddy. Don’t you sweetie? Your daddy is the best.” Levi bounces her gently.<br/>
“Your affection for Erwin is sickening.”<br/>
“Shut up.” Levi kicks them. “Let me love my fiancé and my kid as much as I want.”<br/>
“No. I will do no such thing.” Hanji laughs as Levi aims another kick at them.<br/>
Amaya gurgles, drawing Levi’s attention back to her. He holds her up to face him.<br/>
“Hey you. What do you need? Play time? Kisses?” He smiles at her incoherent murmuring, and her blue-grey eyes widen a bit.<br/>
And Levi finds himself in receipt of the most enthralling smile. A real one.<br/>
“What’s got you all googly-eyed?”<br/>
Levi doesn’t reply to Hanji’s remark, drinking Amaya’s expression all in.<br/>
“You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.” Levi whispers, and he kisses her forehead. Amaya grabs onto a lock of his hair, and fuck, he probably should cut it, it’s getting ridiculously long, but maybe it should stay that way, because then Amaya gets her little fingers wrapped up in it, and oh wow, this is magical.<br/>
Wait.<br/>
“Erwin’s missing this.” Levi frowns.<br/>
“I mean, she’ll smile again later, surely?”<br/>
“But this is her first one.”<br/>
“So? They’ll all look the same.”<br/>
Levi tears his eyes away from Amaya’s adorable little face to glare at Hanji for a second. “You wouldn’t understand. I guess it’s a parent thing.”<br/>
“You’re being overdramatic.”<br/>
“Maybe! But I’m still allowed to be upset that her daddy isn’t here to see this.”<br/>
“He’s going back to work soon. I’m sure he’ll be missing things all the time.”<br/>
Levi feels his face crumple.<br/>
“Levi. It’s okay. I’m sure the big things you’ll both be there for. Like her first steps. Or her first word.”<br/>
“There’s no guarantee.” Levi leans back a little, cuddling Amaya close. “I’ll get over it, I know that, it just feels like-”<br/>
He’s cut off by more of Amaya’s babbles, and she starts grabbing his hair again.<br/>
“You like mommy’s hair? I need to cut it at some point, but I could keep it longer than usual if you like to pull it.”<br/>
“Ga ah ub.”<br/>
Wise words from a baby.<br/>
“I’ll take that as a yes. Ga ah ub to you too.”<br/>
Hanji clears their throat. “Levi. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Erwin will just have things to catch up on, something to make him look forward to each day. You have a baby to make sure grows properly. And Amaya has a very good mom. Even if you’re blunt and rude and irritating.”<br/>
“I’m irritating? Try talking to you for longer than five minutes, it becomes hell. The only reason I’m not going insane by you sitting next to me is because I have Amaya to make sure I don’t spin out of control and fight you.”<br/>
“Sounds like someone wants another lecture on titan physiology.”<br/>
“Ugh.” Levi groans, but he still sits himself upright, willing to listen to Hanji’s lectures, even if he would rather die than admit it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day Erwin went back to work was kinda fucking tough. Sure, Levi loves Amaya, with every single bit of him, but it got lonely quite quickly. No one in the house but he and a three month old baby, who slept a lot, leaving him to have hours and hours to himself.<br/>It was slightly maddening, standing in the kitchen completely unsure what to do with himself. Nothing needed cleaning. He wasn’t hungry. He’d read all his parenting books multiple times, he’d completely reorganised the cupboards just the other day, he’d even done a few quick workouts, despite his body aching after just one push up.<br/>Erwin would probably have a go at him for that. How he should be relaxing, taking it easy, because his body was still caring for a baby, and he was tired and blah blah blah.<br/>Erwin talked so much shit all the time, he was an overprotective bastard and Levi loves him so much.<br/>Which is why he feels like he needs to do all this secret exercise, even though it hurt like hell.<br/>His body post pregnancy isn’t the same as it was before. He knew that would happen, logically, he knew that. But still. Erwin deserves the best, and Levi wants to give it to him, and right now, Levi isn’t at his best. He’s certainly looked better, and the extra pudge he’s put on during his pregnancy isn’t showing any signs of leaving soon. Looking at his reflection, he certainly didn’t feel like himself anymore. His previously sharp edges softened, his hair outrageously untamed and slightly greasy, his face a little oily, stretchmarks angrily vibrant against his pale skin.<br/>Ugh. He doesn’t feel like Levi Ackerman. Levi Ackerman wouldn’t be moping about his appearance as he tries to think about how to cope with being alone, because Levi Ackerman thrived on being by himself.<br/>Right now, he was not Levi Ackerman. He was someone else, someone foreign and completely incapable.<br/>Which begged the question, if he wasn’t Levi Ackerman, then who the fuck was he?<br/>Amaya started whimpering, and Levi rushes over to her, shushing and rocking her.<br/>Right. He was Amaya’s mom. That’s who he was.<br/>“Shh. Hey, hey. It’s okay. Need some food?” He unbuttons his shirt, and watches Amaya suckle.<br/>He can be as mopey as he wants when Amaya’s sleeping, but when she needs him, he has to push all of his thinking away.<br/>She’s more important than overanalysing who he is now that he’s Not Levi Ackerman.<br/>“There we go. Getting nice and full up. You wanna play after this? Or go back to sleep?”<br/>He looks at her angelic little face and one of her chubby hands curled into a fist resting on his chest. Her lovely eyes were still that shade halfway between blue and grey, and she was currently staring up at him as she drank.<br/>Cutie.<br/>And yet his flooding of maternal feeling didn’t shake his sudden identity crisis.</p><p>“Levi.” Erwin pulls him close one evening, when Amaya’s been put to bed, looking at him intently. “Something’s up with you.”<br/>Levi tenses only for a split second, before going straight into denial.<br/>“What do you mean? I mean feel fine.”<br/>“Babe. I’ve known you for years. You’re upset.”<br/>“It’s nothing. There are more important things to worry about.”<br/>“Levi, I think -”<br/>“Amaya and I are probably going out for a walk tomorrow. I’m gonna show her some flowers.”<br/>Hopefully that would be a nice distraction, and Erwin can stop prying.<br/>“Sounds great. You know what would be even better? Telling me what’s wrong.”<br/>Shit, his plan’s been foiled.<br/>“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”<br/>Erwin nudges him gently. “The Levi Ackerman I know would have dropped the denial act by now.”<br/>That causes him to stiffen. “Then I guess I’m not Levi Ackerman.”<br/>Erwin raises a brow, before smirking. “Playing that kind of game are we? Then could you tell me where my lovely Levi Ackerman is?”<br/>“I don’t fucking know.” He feels his blood go cold. Does Erwin know he’s pushing his buttons? Is he doing this on purpose?<br/>“Sounds like I should be sending out a search party then. Who are you and what have you done with my fiancé?”<br/>“Stop it Erwin.”<br/>The commander’s brow immediately furrows, and he tips his head. “Levi?”<br/>“I just - I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Don’t you have shit to be doing? You should probably go to sleep, bound to have some fucking heavy work tomorrow.”<br/>Erwin’s stare doesn’t waver. “Well now I know something’s definitely wrong. Talk to me Levi. Nothing will get solved if you keep bottling things up.”<br/>“You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”<br/>“I already think you’re crazy. What kind of sane person becomes a Scout?”<br/>“That’s not funny.”<br/>Erwin bites his lip. “Sorry. What I mean is, I’m not going to judge you. Just tell me what’s going on, please.”<br/>“I don’t know who I am anymore. That’s it.”<br/>Erwin pauses. “You’re Levi Ackerman, one of humanity’s strongest soldiers and -”<br/>“No. I’m not. Not anymore.” He gestures at himself vaguely. “This isn’t Levi fucking Ackerman.”<br/>“... I’m not sure I understand.”<br/>“Levi Ackerman wouldn’t be like this. Completely at a loss just because he looks a little different than he used to. Getting upset when he’s alone, struggling to piece together basic fucking thoughts. I don’t know who I am anymore, but I certainly don’t fucking feel like myself.”<br/>Erwin is silent, as if mulling every word over carefully. Analytical asshole.<br/>“I think I’m going insane. I told you you’d think I was crazy.”<br/>“Levi. You’re not going insane. Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy. Do you want my thoughts on the matter?”<br/>“Mhm. Think I might need them.”<br/>“I think you’re struggling to come you terms with how your life has changed. I think that in your eyes, Levi Ackerman The Soldier is incapable of being a good parent. So I think you’ve distanced yourself from that, and adopted a persona of Levi Ackerman, Amaya’s Mother. And I think you are struggling to come to terms with the fact that you are both of those people. If you stick with just your soldier persona, you feel like you’re not being the parent Amaya needs. And if you stick with your mother persona, you feel like a completely different person, because this persona is new. But Levi Ackerman, the person, is a soldier, a mother, a lover and a very brave man. You can’t force yourself to become just one of them. You’re you, Levi Ackerman, the most wonderful person I know. That’s what I think.”<br/>Levi drinks every word in, focusing on the way each syllable falls from Erwin’s mouth. He’s Levi Ackerman. He’s Levi Ackerman. He’s Levi Ackerman.<br/>“Thank you.” He leans into Erwin’s hold, immersing himself into the feeling of safety and warmth and home that comes with being pressed against the commander. “Thank you. That... really helps.”<br/>“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.”<br/>“Can I ask you something? You gotta promise you won’t make fun of me.”<br/>“Go for it.”<br/>“Are you still attracted to me?” Levi braces himself for the answer, prepared to hear a hesitant ‘no’.<br/>“Of course I am. You get more attractive every single day.”<br/>“You’d still fuck me?”<br/>“Yes. I want to, every single day. If I wasn’t so worried about making sure your body is completely recovered from your labour, and if I knew Amaya would be safely looked after, away from our room, I assure you, you would have my dick in you as long as you wanted it there.”<br/>Levi smirks. “C’mon Commander... You can dirty talk better than that.”<br/>“I can. And I will. But not when Amaya is only one thin wall away from us.”<br/>Levi huffs, but nods. Understandable. They could both be loud.<br/>“You should come visit me at work sometimes. I’m sure the soldiers would love to see you.”<br/>“I’ll think about it. I might get so socially deprived that it’ll be my only option for interaction outside of you and Amaya.”<br/>Erwin kisses his cheek. “I will make sure everyone gives you the respect you deserve. And that no one will touch our baby without explicit permission.”<br/>“It’ll be Amaya’s first big day out... I’m gonna need to bring a bag of diapers and shit, just in case.”<br/>“And then we can huddle in my office and show her all the most successful war tactics.”<br/>“Don’t indoctrinate her.”<br/>“I’ll try not to.”</p><p>Levi rocks up the Scout HQ a couple days afterwards, Amaya in a sling so that he could have free hands. Armed with a duffel bag filled with all of the various baby shit needed to deal with any situation Amaya throws at him, he’s ready for anything.<br/>Except for Sasha running up to him to tackle him into one of her bear hugs.<br/>He’s not ready for that.<br/>“Hey! Hey. Watch it.” Levi pushes her away, checking to make sure that the squishing hadn’t upset Amaya. His baby blinks up at him, blissfully unaware of the trauma that is a surprise hug.<br/>“Sorry! Sorry!” Sasha waves at Amaya, starting to make cooing noises, interrupting herself to talk to the captain. “I didn’t realise you were coming. At least, I don’t think Erwin mentioned it? Come to see how we’re doing? ‘Cause I think we’re progressing pretty well! Connie hasn’t fallen over in like... seven weeks!”<br/>“What an accomplishment.” Levi’s voice is dry and he bats Sasha’s hand away from Amaya. “I’m just here for a visit. That’s all.”<br/>“Aww, okay. I can take you to Erwin’s office?”<br/>“I know where it is. I don’t need an escort.”<br/>“Please? I’m supposed to be doing drills in a minute, and I really don’t wanna.”<br/>Levi rolls his eyes, but nods. “Fine. But when I get back, I’ll make sure to give you reps twice as hard.”<br/>“Sounds like a problem for future Sasha.”<br/>Someone rushes past then, knocking into him in their hurry.<br/>Levi grabs them by the shoulder. “Fucking watch where you’re going!”<br/>They turn around, and it’s a new girl, a cadet he’s never seen before. She glances at him, before shrugging his grip off.<br/>“Maybe you shouldn’t have been standing in the way.”<br/>Another soldier starts walking over to them, some guy that Levi vaguely recognised. Who cares. This bitch needs to be taught a lesson.<br/>“Learn some manners brat. I didn’t realise they were letting even the clumsiest pieces of shit into the military now. To be a Scout, you once had to have at least a basic sense of what’s around you. Shame they’ve clearly let the standards down.”<br/>“What the fuck do you know about the Scouts, huh? You’re just some dude who rocked up with a baby in a sling. I reckon you know jack shit about what it takes to be a Scout.”<br/>Levi flares, about to completely go off, but the slightly familiar soldier grabs the cadet’s wrist.<br/>“I’m sorry about her Captain Levi. She’s new, she doesn’t know-”<br/>The girl’s jaw drops almost immediately. “Ah! Uh, Captain Levi, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise - I didn’t know it was you, haha, that was... that was really rude of me, and um...”<br/>Levi glowers at her, jaw clenched. He’s about to tear her a new one when Amaya starts crying.<br/>“Sasha. Take her name. I’ll deal with her properly once I’ve sorted this one out.” Levi stalks off, picking Amaya up and shushing her, ready to try and find a place to feed her, leaving the cadet sputtering in his wake.</p><p>The first empty room he can find, he puts Amaya to his chest, pulling curtains and locking the door to give himself as much privacy as possible.<br/>“Hey sweetie. Sorry about all the bad language. I forgot how irritating all these useless newbies are.” Levi caresses her cheek. “You certainly make it hard for me to be scary.”<br/>He watches her gulp milk down, concentrating on the little twitches of her fingers with every swallow.<br/>She pulls away after a little while, giving him her angelic smile just before she burps out a little trail of milk, staining his jacket.<br/>“You’re lucky you’re cute because you do some truly disgusting things.” Levi pulls a rag out of his bag, trying to clean it up as best as he can. Amaya squeals and babbles as he does, so he babbles back, matching every syllable.<br/>It makes her smile wider, and that’s all he can really ask for.<br/>“Let’s go find daddy now.” Levi coos, ready to make the trek to Erwin’s office.</p><p>He knocks on the door a couple times, waiting for Erwin to tell him to come in, just in case he’s interrupting a meeting or some shit.<br/>“Come in!”<br/>Ah. Levi had forgotten how stern his fiancé’s commander voice was, especially with how much he’s gotten used to the soft, loving tones he used around Amaya and Levi himself.<br/>He turns the doorknob, shifting Amaya’s position on his hip, and lets himself in.<br/>Premier Zachary is in there, and he and Erwin appear to be looking over some map or something.<br/>The commander hasn’t looked up. “I assume you have a message for me, cadet?”<br/>“I think my proper title is captain, actually.”<br/>Erwin swings his head towards Levi so fast he might have snapped his neck, face brightening.<br/>“Levi. I forgot you said you might visit today, my apologies.” He walks over, kissing Levi’s cheek, before turning to Amaya. “Hello sweetie. Did you come to visit daddy at work, hmm?”<br/>Amaya makes grabby hands at him, and Erwin lifts her into his arm swiftly.<br/>“Hello Levi.” Zachary nods his head at him, and Levi returns the greeting. “Is this the daughter I’ve heard so much about?”<br/>“Of course.” Erwin doesn’t look up, face buried the mess of Amaya’s hair. Looks like he’s drinking in her baby smell. Levi knows exactly what that’s like; he practically craves the scent whenever he’s away from it. “Darius, this is Amaya Smith.”<br/>“A beautiful name. Did you choose it Levi?”<br/>“Uh, yeah. Have we disrupted a meeting of something?”<br/>“Nothing too major.” Erwin replies, still completely focused on Amaya. “We can take a little break.”<br/>“Sounds like someone’s just using our kid to get out of work.”<br/>Erwin laughs. “Maybe.”<br/>Amaya makes a little gurgling noise, and Erwin goes back to his adoring staring.<br/>“Sorry. He’ll probably be distracted for a while.” Levi looks at Zachary.<br/>“It’s understandable. Fatherhood is a joy, from what I’ve heard.” He waves it off. “You know when you’re coming back?”<br/>“Uh... about nine months. Nearer to eight.” It makes his heart sink, saying it out loud. He’s gonna miss Amaya so much. And who would even look after her??<br/>The premier nods. “You think you’ll be able to get back into the swing of things quickly?”<br/>“I’m sure my readjustment shouldn’t take too long, sir.”<br/>“Of course -”<br/>Zachary’s next words are cut off by Amaya crying again.<br/>“What’s wrong baby?” Erwin is immediately in Overprotective Cooing mode. “You need some feeding?”<br/>“She’s had some just before I knocked.” Levi moved over to him, scooping Amaya up quickly, weighing her diaper with a hand. Nothing. “Just crying for no reason, huh?”<br/>Amaya wails harder.<br/>“Shh. Shh. It’s okay. Mommy’s here. Shh.” Levi bounces her gently, pressing kisses to her cheeks.<br/>It takes a little while to calm her down, and once she’s quietened to a snuffle, Levi hears his Zachary whisper to Erwin.<br/>“He’s more proficient here than he is in battle.”<br/>Erwin just shrugs, but it makes Levi smile to himself, pressing his lips to Amaya’s forehead.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
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    <p>“Go spend some time with Hanji or something. I’ll look after Amaya for the day.”<br/>Erwin had taken a day off so Levi could have “some time to himself”, which is very nice of him, except Levi feels very, very anxious the moment he leaves the house.<br/>And he doesn’t really want to see anyone. He just wants to spend time with Erwin, because he’s been so busy with work that Levi hasn’t really seen him, but objectively Levi probably needs some alone time.<br/>Alone time that is quickly getting invaded by a little shit named Eren.<br/>“Yo! Captain! Wait up.”<br/>Why Eren is in the streets and not doing his job at HQ is beyond him, but Levi isn’t going to encourage that sort of behaviour, so he’s doesn’t stop.<br/>“Hey! Captain Levi!”<br/>Eren’s running after him now, and it’s so annoying, but it’s been a while since Levi’s been chased, and it’s kind of exhilarating to dart between crowds, feeling his shoes thud against cobblestones as he runs away from Eren’s calls.<br/>Through a back alley, down the side path, sticking to the shadows, blending in with a crowd...<br/>He’s missed this. It’s been a long, long time.<br/>When Levi thinks that he’s finally shaken Eren from his tail, he goes back to what he was doing - wandering aimlessly while trying to think of how to spend his time.<br/>And it seems Levi is the unluckiest man in the world, because he bumps straight into Connie.<br/>“Oh, Captain! Hey there. Didn’t expect to see you around.”<br/>Levi can’t pretend he’s not seen him, considering they are standing face to face. Fuuuck.<br/>Fine.<br/>“Yes. Well, you’ve seen me.”<br/>Connie nods, and slings an arm around him. “Sasha said you visited HQ last month. Didn’t come see us? Rude.”<br/>“Whoops. My bad.”<br/>Levi’s about to make a break for it when Eren reappears.<br/>“Ugh, finally. Why did you make me chase you?” The titan rolls his eyes, before glancing at Connie. “Rude. You chose Connie over me.”<br/>Well now Levi was really stuck.<br/>“I didn’t make you chase me, you chose to do that yourself, you fucking idiot.”<br/>“You were running? Is everything alright? Hey, wait where’s the baby?”<br/>“She has a name.” Levi folds his arms. “And not that it’s any of your business, but Erwin forced me to have some ‘time to myself’ because he’s a sappy fucker and thinks I’m pushing myself.”<br/>“Hey, our whole squad has a day off, so you can come hang out with us!” Connie grins. “I know you’ve missed us.”<br/>“You’re deluded.” Levi retorts, but he smiles a bit. He has missed them, truly.<br/>“Haha, Connie, tell Levi what you did at training last week.”<br/>“Eren! Shut up, you said we’d pretend it never happened.”<br/>Levi listens to them go back and forth, not having the resolve to try and make an excuse to leave. He should probably check in with everyone. Knowing them, they might have completely fucking fallen apart or gotten insanely strong... it was all or nothing.<br/>Turns out the rest of his squad were chilling in a bar. Connie loudly announces their arrival, pushing Levi forward a bit.<br/>“Look who I found.”<br/>“Holy shit, Captain!” Jean yells, and it’s so obvious he’s drunk.<br/>“Hey.” Levi folds his arms, not wanting to say anything extra. As long as no one asks about -<br/>“How’s Amaya?” Mikasa pushes Jean off of her slightly, the drunk flopping onto Armin instead.<br/>“She’s good. Still a baby.” Levi pauses, and they still look hungry for information. “She’s figured out how to move her toes. And she’s practicing sounds. Waking up less during the night. Just doin’ baby shit, that’s all.”<br/>“Can she say anything yet?” Sasha asks, hand on chin.<br/>“No. She’s only four months. She can barely figure out that I’m not just a big toy for her to play with.”<br/>“How’s the commander? He’s been in his office a lot lately.” Armin sounds careful with his words.<br/>“He’s alright at home. I think work is just... a lot. Is there something going on?”<br/>“Well, yknow, the Marleyans refused to sign the treaty, but you know that, I guess Erwin’s just tryna prepare for the worst.”<br/>“The Marleyans didn’t sign?” Levi feels his heart plummet. No. No, no, that’s bad, he can’t do this anymore, no more war, he can’t, haven’t they been through enough?<br/>Eren blinks. “Oh. I guess Erwin didn’t tell you. Uh...”<br/>Silence lapses over them, and Levi feels sick.<br/>It’s supposed to be over. It’s supposed to be a happy ending, like in stories, it’s supposed to be all okay.<br/>Levi can’t deal with more war. He doesn’t want to. And he doesn’t want Erwin to either, he wants Erwin just stay at home and be safe, just wants his whole family to be safe, this isn’t fair.<br/>“I’m going home.” He know he’s being blunt, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t look back at his squad, because fuck, FUCK, please no more war.</p><p>“You’re back sooner than I thought you’d be. I am capable of taking care of our daughter, you don’t have to be so worried about it.” Erwin jokes lightly when Levi walks back into the house, but his humour falls when he sees Levi’s expression.<br/>“Tell me there won’t be another war. Please. Tell me that they signed the treaty, and that it’s all okay.”<br/>Erwin doesn’t meet his eye, instead fondling Amaya’s hand.<br/>“Erwin. For fuck’s sake. Can’t you- can’t you do something? Please. I thought it was over.”<br/>“I know Levi, I know. We thought that too. We’re strategising, trying to think about what we can do to try and encourage the Marleyans to sign, organise an alliance of some kind... I’m doing everything I can to make sure that we don’t go to war.” Erwin looks at him, and Levi only now notices how wrought with worry he is.<br/>Erwin’s always been good at pretending everything is fine.<br/>Levi walks over to him, and clutches him tightly. “Please don’t fight. Even if it comes to that. Just stay behind the scenes. I’m begging you.”<br/>Erwin doesn’t reply, because they both know his moral compass won’t allow him to do that.<br/>They stay embraced for a moment, only coming apart when Amaya babbles loudly. She smiles up at them, and Levi lifts her, holding her close.<br/>“Please Erwin. For her.”<br/>The commander bites his lip, and raises a hand to caress Amaya’s cheek.<br/>She squeals at the contact, grabbing a few of his fingers with a chubby fist. Erwin nods.<br/>“I’ll do my best to stay away from the action. For both of you.”</p><p>With the new worry of a second war coming, Levi finds himself more and more terrified for his little girl.<br/>Amaya is so tiny. So small.<br/>She can’t even talk. And if battles start to break out, she’s at risk of losing her daddy.<br/>It’s a nightmare, and spending time with her, getting to hear her gorgeous laughs are his only respite.<br/>He loves to tickle her gently, loves to watch her wriggle around, loves to talk to her and earn little gurgles in response, and it’s the only thing stopping him from having a complete breakdown.<br/>“Mommy loves you. So much. You’re mama’s favourite person ever.” Levi tweaks one of her tiny toes slightly. “What should we do today?”<br/>A few syllables of mishmashed nonsense.<br/>“Of course. We can just stay here. Whatever you want.”<br/>Amaya squeals, and Levi smiles softly in response.<br/>“I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you. I swear. Daddy and I are gonna keep you safe.”<br/>Even though she can’t understand him, he feels the need to reassure her, over and over again, and it helps remind himself that no matter what happens, Amaya is going to be okay.</p>
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